Hot take: Fox News is pretty dope. And dogs(not cats) are going to take over the world
If you don't let your kids watch the news, why do you let your pet?
The best part about my absurdly overpriced apartment in the heart of NJ is that everything is right here. The kitchens not too far. The couch is only a legit “hop skip, and jump.” It’s just expensive enough that only real everyday working class can live here. You won’t run into bums or get wasted on your morning dog walk which by comparison to my first apartment where there were active shoot outs daily, is a major win. Nothing really beats waking up and not having to worry about being diced on your way to the car.
I love leaving Fox News on in the background on the TV all day. But yesterday, I just couldn’t bring myself to listen to anymore reporters talk about the Trump “Diet Coke on Demand” button, or all the hysteria that will soon break out across the land, it’s all so disgusting. It’s the same tricks, different administration, different time in history, and the players haven’t changed much. Were dealing with politicians. None of them are honest.
Thats like asking your ex who’s that one friend they were hanging out with recently and they give you one of those animated responses:
“WeRe Just FrIenDs AnthOny. WHY do YoU AlWaYs do THIS?”
I use to love just watching my girlfriend’s reaction to the stupid crap I would say, which was mostly for a reaction more than anything. All along, there jaw is slowly extending into a horses mouth while their “of course not lying” straight to my face.
Meanwhile I can’t remember that last time I slept with any of my friends, maybe that should be a show. We can call it “Were just friends… Maybe ;)”
Luckily theres no shortage of programs to watch these days. The amount of options we have could make a real bastard out of you. Typically the news, is my go to. I could leave the news on all day and all night. I’m a big news guy. Something so fascinating about taking the attention off of my cold dull life and focusing on other peoples.
I even leave it on for the doggies when I leave the house for work. There was that one time though. I vividly recall leaving on the appointment of justice Amy Coney Barret on Fox News back in 2020. She was a new pick for the high court. Apparently there is a such thing as too much news…
Remy was no longer my baby German Shepherd when I arrived home that day. By days end and 12 hours of supreme court jargon, he was now the distinguished Remington. He had a white queue just like Washington and even pulled out a scroll and start granting me three wishes when I arrived home. I was cool up until he said I should address him as the “Honorable Remington,” that’s when things got weird.
And people think the cats are planning world domination. Meanwhile Remmy’s re- writing the constitution in my living room with his fairly god parents.
It’s good background noise the news and an even better pacifier for grown adults. All day, the same loop, the same shit plays in the distance while I’m in a different part of my apartment.
“I’m Josh Breslow, and will be right back with more LIVE, RAW, AND UNCUT footage.”
It’s amazing Remmy isn’t sitting there on my couch Charlie Sheen style reading the paper while watching the news. Little double fisting the news. That’s my boy.
I mean, “good job sir!”
There really isn’t anything quite like other people lives to get me going. Sometimes I feel more invested in their lives. That must be the inner codependency in me. It’s like I know I live a pretty cool life, it’s obnoxiously normal but I like itand yet I could be coming off the hottest day, week, and month of my life and still look at someone elses life and be like “Damn, I’m a fucking loser. Why didn’t I do that?”
That’s life.
I was so sick of listening to the news tonight that after a few hours of listening to California literally burning to the ground, I thought to myself “I don’t have to listen to this. This doesn’t affect me. I’m in New Jersey!”
Immediately I turned off the TV walking away grinning as if I had won a made up argument. This was followed by a ritual of lit candles and dancing in the dark while Evanescence played in the background..
..Couldn’t take the blame
..Sick with shame
.. Must be exhausting to lose at your own game
Was I absolutely fucking feeling myself? You bet.
Did one of these things have anything to do with the other? Not a fat fucking chance.
Will I still be watching Fox News? You bet your ass.
Happy fucking Hump day